The Definition of Man

I am a feminist. Thankfully, our understanding of what this means no longer immediately draws images of burning bras but equal rights for women. But there is another term where the meaning has moved on a lot less. Dangerously so, in fact. Masculinity.

As women, we get leered at, but if we are truthful, so do men. Women check guys out all the time. We objectify them. If we didn’t, there wouldn’t be any sell-out shows for male strippers. Women enjoy looking as much as men do. It’s just men are more open about it. But why is that? The reason is acceptability. It is generally known that guys will wolf whistle, stare, and watch if a pretty girl walks by. The difference with women is that we tend to be more discreet.

Men are perceived as the stronger, manual sex. As a result, there is pressure to be good at DIY, fix things, have muscles, be sporty, watch sports, and generally be big drinkers (downing lots of beer at the pub) to fit in. There is pressure on body image. Like women, guys are encouraged to have those perfect abs, toned arms and legs, and as an added bonus, big feet. To be like the guys in magazines and the actors on screen.

Emotions are expected to be contained more around other guys, especially at work. I have lots of guy friends, and most talk about how they’re feeling as they feel more comfortable talking to a woman other than another man. The risk of being told to ‘Man Up’, ‘Grow some balls’, or ‘Stop being a girl’s blouse’ must be pretty intense. There is more awareness around this now. Guys are being encouraged to talk, and men’s groups where they can hang out and chat are emerging more and more, but it is still a problem. The suicide rate for men is 19.6 per 100,000 compared to just 6.0 for women (Office for National Statistics, UK). Women tend to share openly, a luxury less felt in men.

There is one male refuge in the UK for domestic abuse. Although nineteen will accept male victims, there are over five hundred in the UK. The options for male victims and their children are limited. The hard part is that when a woman attacks a man, he can only defend himself. Many have extensive injuries to their lower arms as a result. Many custody hearings automatically side with the mother. Whatever she tells the court is generally accepted and believed. The odds are stacked against the fathers’ time and time again.

When we look up the definition of masculinity, the Oxford Dictionary lists the term as qualities or attributes regarded as characteristic of men and boys. Then, it gives the example of handsome, muscled, and driven.

Google lists the word as the social expectation of being a man. The roles, behaviours, and attributes considered appropriate for boys and men in society. Masculinity is constructed and defined socially, historically, and politically rather than biologically driven.

In contrast, when we look up feminity, Google suggests it is influenced by biological factors. The example given in the Oxford Dictionary is embracing feminity and concealing it.

So, why is femininity biologically driven but not masculinity? Under dictionary definition, men are only masculine if perceived by others as such and are what society expects to see when they think of a traditional idealism of a man. The example in the dictionary is visual; handsome, muscled, where the feminity is more internal and how the woman perceives herself.

There has been movement, but not enough. No one should feel inadequate. Everyone should feel they can embrace who they are, no matter their sex, and you should not be expected to be anyone other than yourself. We have redefined a feminist in society. Maybe it’s time we redefine masculinity as well.