When I looked back on the past year this January, I thought (as so many do) that I hadn’t worked as hard toward my goals as I hoped. I dropped the ball. Enjoyed too much Netflix. Rewatched too much Good Wife.
However, one thing I was thankful for is I did achieve getting my website up and running but with my footprint in the literary world being so small- and the fee coming up for renewal- I had to ask, was it actually worth the trouble?
No one else can use it. It’s mine. I own it. For like a year.
Why add author I hear you ask? Well, there are a number of Melanie Stephens in the world and a travel writer has the privilege of http://www.melaniestephens.com (in case you were curious). Is it weird I’m kind of chuffed it’s still a writer?
I decided to find out for myself the value of all this domain and website lark. So, I googled myself.
Now, I am not afraid to admit it but I have googled myself before. It was when the first book, Isolation Tales came out and I had some press. There was a lot before I came up (bit rude) and in images, a photo from the past reared its ugly head which made me scream! I mean, literally, scream. As if a snake suddenly was slithering up my leg. It was from Saatchi, the art site. If you are not familiar with it, artists load up images of their work and the public can order prints- it’s massive! My son had about 6 weeks of doing these amazing paintings (like ridiculous)
I’ll show you one:
He was 5.
Yep, at 5 years old he painted that and it only took him 25 mins. He did a flurry of them and then nothing. We gave most away and they are framed in a lot of people’s living rooms. It was suggested we try selling prints of them at Saatchi which we did, and used my name and photo cause of the age thing. Hence the scream as baby weight was very much apparent (I just had my daughter). Not a good look.
So, despite the risk of reliving the horror of Saatchi, I got brave and googled. I thought the web is massive, there must be gazillions of Melanie Stephens’s out there in the world. So to give me a fair chance I added ‘author’ at the end.
And this is what comes up:
When I looked back on last
I’m at the top! Me!
I try Melanie Stephens Writer…
Holy moly I’m there again! Like right there! This is bloody brilliant!
Just for kicks, I try Melanie Stephens author. But this time go on images…will Saatchi rear it’s ugly head? Be brave…
Me! Me! Me! This is awesome! I am properly important in the world of Melanie Stephens’s!!!! And there are my books!
So I google Melanie Stephens Books on images feeling so damn smug!
B
Oh. Ruined it and fell back to earth.
Although that is my bookshelf and Isolation Tales, so that’s cool, right?
I think so.
So, the website and domain are staying. Plus, I think I did pretty well last year by accomplishing something. Now I know when you type my name you get nice pictures. No screamy ones. I am sure they are lurking somewhere, the internet isn’t that forgiving, but they are more hidden. Except I have drawn attention to them now by this post.
Supporting Actor Oscar winners ’97, ’90, ’95, ’92, ’91, ’96
Supporting Actors. I began thinking about them after I watched an interview with Adam Driver. It turned out he has already worked with some of the biggest Directors in the world- Spike Lee, Terry Gilliam, Steven Sodenbergh, The Coen Brothers, Martin Scorcesse, Steven Speilberg, Ridley Scott, Clint Eastwood, the list went on. I consider myself quite a film fan, so I’m surprised the main movies I knew him from were only the obvious- Star Wars Episodes 7-9, and of course the brilliant Marriage Story.
Without Supporting Actors the story falls apart. They are essential substructures for a film, and yet the Actors that regularly fill that role rarely take the spotlight.
So, I decided to dedicate a post to some of my favourite Supporting Actors still working in the industry today.
William H. Macy
To me, the King of Supporting Actors. I only actually remember him taking the lead once in a small film called The Cooler. It also had Alec Baldwin in it, and is well worth a watch as both guys were fantastic. I know he is also the lead in the US version of Shameless, but I never saw that so I can’t comment on it.
The list of films Mr Macy has been in is extensive from such gems as Pleasantville (a film I recommend more than any other to family and friends- well, apart from 12 Angry Men!), Mystery Men, Magnolia, Fargo, Boogie Nights, Room, Thank you for Smoking to big blockbusters like Jurassic Park, Seabiscuit, Air Force One, and Sahara. A flurry of family films, TV, Independents, Action films, and so much more.
The thing that makes William H. Macy special is you like him immediately as he is an everyman. A guy you see you would see on the street. Yet for someone who looks so ordinary in a sea of Hollywood faces, you remember him. His talent shines through, the emotion, vulnerability, the dilemma the character is facing is conveyed brilliantly in every role he plays. For someone who’s career has been in the background, his performance and unique voice stay in the forefront of your mind.
Carla Gugino
I first came across Miss Gugino in the first season of Spin City. Basically, if something has Michael J Fox in it, I watch it! So, she was already familiar to me which made spotting her in films memorable. She is one of those actors that you forget her name but always recognise the face. She is beautiful, charismatic, and resembles the girl you had a crush on at school. Too cool, and way out of your league!
Without knowing it, the actual first time I saw Miss Gugino was in Bon Jovi’s ‘Always’ music video. She has always kept her foot in the door of TV (including The Wonder Years, Entourage, Californication, and Wayward Pines) and film both in a variety of roles. She might be well-known to geeks (I am a self-confessed one so speak from experience) as she has starred in Sin City and two Superman movies, and Watchmen 😱. She was in all three Spy Kids films, San Andreas, Night at the Museum, American Gangster, Sucker Punch, This Boy’s Life and much, much more.
Stephen Graham
There could have been several Boardwalk Empire actors on this list, but with the calibur of acting talent of Boardwalk that’s hardly surprising. Once I had seen his portrayal of Al Capone, I knew and admired Stephen Graham. He was unforgettable from the moment he sat behind behind the wheel as Johnny Torrio’s driver. Everything he does is quality, and every performance is worthy of your attention and respect.
A fondness for British work, Mr Graham has starred in some of the biggest shows on TV from Peaky Blinders, Line of Duty and Band of Brothers, to This is England.
He has also starred in film blockbusters like Venom, Hellboy, Public Enemies, Snatch, two of the Pirates of the Caribbean, and big Award winners like The Irishman, Tinker, Tailor, Soldier Spy, Gangs of New York, Film stars Don’t Die in Liverpool, and Rocketman.
The talent of this man is extraordinary, especially when you learn that he is severely dyslexic which makes his job so much harder. He remains such a joy to watch.
Maura Tierney
Miss Tierney may have not done as much as others on this list but she always makes me smile, and I enjoy her characters and performances. There’s quite a bit of television roles including ER (the brilliant and hugely likeable Abby Lockhart), The Affair, American Rust, Rescue Me, and The Good Wife.
But she has also starred in some big films like Liar Liar with Jim Carrey, Beautiful Boy with Steve Carrell, Primal Fear with Richard Gere, Forces ofNature with Ben Affleck and Sandra Bollock, Baby Mama with Tina Fey, Primary Colours alongside John Travolta, and Insomnia opposite cinematic powerhouses Robin Williams and Al Pacino. Some actors really draw your eyes as they appear on screen and Ms Tierney has never failed to fall into this category.
Bradley Whitford
He will always be Josh (The West Wing), but Mr Whitford’s list of films is impressive:
Get Out, Billy Madison, Godzilla, Scent of a Woman, A Perfect World, The Cabin in the Woods, Awakenings, The Client, Bicentennial Man, The Post, My Life, The Client, Saving Mr Banks.
I always enjoyed his performances because as well as being a brilliant actor, like Maura Tierney he just makes me smile. I think as I grew so attached to them in their shows of ER and The West Wing, I was already happy to see them come up again.
The guy is just so damn likeable, even if he’s playing a bit of a rotter I still can’t dislike him!
Patricia Clarkson
There are very few actors who can flow flawlessly from comedy to drama as seamlessly as Patricia Clarkson. She melts into her characters like they are real and always been there waiting for you to come and say hello. She has a cheeky glint in her eye that shows naughtiness yet can make you cry as she shows you heartbreak, or creeps you out when there is mystery or horror.
In The Untouchables she stole every scene against Kevin Costner, and held her own against the heavyweight cast. Great performances continued in Jumanji, as Melinda in The Green Mile, The Pledge, Far from Heaven, Dogville, and one of her greatest moments was her performance in The Station Agent.
She elevated her fellow cast members in Pieces of April, portraying a mother with breast cancer. Amazingly she gave both humour and incredible emotion in the role which is no easy task.
She was brilliant in Good Night and Good Luck, Vicky Christina Barcelona, and Shutter Island, again all containing such big Hollywood names and Directors.
Stealing the show comedically in Easy A and Friends with Benefits, and she was fantastic as the chancellor in The Maze Runner films.
If William H Macy is the King of Supporting roles, Patricia Clarkson is the Queen. Extraordinary talent and such a pleasure to watch.
David Strathairn
The last name on my list I wish to showcase is David Strathairn. The handsome actor gives such a presence on screen and I will watch anything if he is attached to it. The movie call is extraordinary: A League of their Own, Godzilla, Memphis Belle, Nomadland, Darkest Hour, The Bourne Legacy, Temple Grandin, Dolres Clairborne, LA Confidential, The Firm, The Bourne Ultimatum, Fracture, Lincoln, Sneakers, The River Wild and Goodnight and Good Luck just to name a few. Television has been just as eventful with The Sopranos, Alphas and Billions amongst others.
The thing Mr Strathairn brings is quality. He adds a quietness to a role, a kind of peaceful calmness but you hang on his every word. He doesn’t need to showcase anything, or draw attention to himself. His performances convey complex emotions and characters and he is sublime in everything he does. I adore him and with over 70 films so far, Hollywood does too!
So there are my favourites, but no doubt you have your own you look out for. There are a ridiculous amount of names I could have chosen, and if you get into people who have retired or sadly passed away then the list would be ludicrously extensive with JT Walsh and Gene Hackman no doubt near the top.
I think the mark of a good supporting actor, especially character actors is you rejoice when you see them on screen. Much like when you see a Stan Lee cameo, or one of the regular crew in a Tarrantino, Kevin Smith or even an Adam Sandler film.
No film could exist with out these guys, and its nice to play a little homage to my favourites. Hopefully I have given some of your own choices a mention or made you go “Oohh.. I know that guy!” Or “its her off whatsitsname!”. And I hope like me, you are waiting to enjoy discovering more familiar faces and talent in films old and new.
It’s become a little tradition that I always write a little story for Christmastime. Here is this year’s offering, I hope you enjoy it. Merry Christmas to all my readers and thank you so much for all your support. May the gift of peace, love, and joy, be yours this Christmastime, and I hope to see you next year in 2022. Stay safe x
Cath sat in darkness. The twinkle from the fairy lights on the tree created a façade of seasonal joy. She raised her mug to her lips with both hands and took a sip. The mulled wine, her tested formula for getting her into the festive spirit, had morphed into tepid fruity gunk with a strange after taste. What was it about mulled wine that could change it from a delicious warm wintry hug into a tortuous nauseating bush tucker trial that makes you grimace with every mouthful? Already admitting defeat, Cath made her way to the microwave.
This year had flown, and as she watched the mug rotate, Cath realised she had accomplished nothing. How long could she blame the pandemic for her lacklustre? She checked her phone, no messages. Clicking on Facebook, she scrolled halfway, and felt even more down. Her friends were busy living perfect lives, how did they do it? Was there some special trick or happiness course she missed? Is there a secret money tree which funds all these fantastic places they visit? And how come every outing seems flawless and not at all problematic? A feeling of isolation and loneliness took over her. Cath had tried to remain a strong part of the community, but Covid had put a stop to all her volunteer work. Their house had no callers, no one called by to pop in for a cuppa or festive tipple. She checked the landline, the phone responded with a dialling tone, it was working. She pressed 1571 and heard there was no messages. Cath wondered how many people still had a landline, and how many are completely reliant on mobiles. She was always losing hers- no good in an emergency at all! But she did love the Play-Store and enjoyed finding all her old haunts in there, retro games dominated her phone and Cath decided she might play a bit of Minesweeper now her mulled wine had warmed.
But instead, she sat in the bay window ledge and people-watched. There were only trees and pavements for her to see. All the people are busy living those perfect lives, Cath thought to herself.
She longed for those big family get-togethers you see on the television or hear celebrities talk about. But none of her family lived close by, so it was never a real possibility for her.
A ping of nostalgia came as a reel of perfect childhood Christmases played in her head. It’s only as an adult you unravel the mirage, and how much work your parents went to so you remained innocent, and ignorant of all the anxiety and distress Christmas could bring. Keeping children oblivious and the magic alive so future memories can be treasured is an intense task albeit a rewarding one.
A familiar car pulled into the drive, and noise seeped through the single glazed glass. The kids waved excitedly screaming ‘Mum!’ with amplified volume and glee. Cath laughed and waved back, rushing to the front door as her husband grabbed some bags from the boot. By the time he had closed it, the children were already in Cath’s arms. As if by magic, the silence had vanished and made way for laughter, demands for snacks and bickering over the tv.
An hour later, they all emptied the family post-box. Made of paper mâché, it was a week-long craft project for her girls, and now a cherished addition to the annual Christmas decorations. A flurry of white, gold, silver, and red envelopes blanketed the living room rug and they started to go through them. Card after card was revealed, pictures of beautiful scenes and fun, festive greetings and wishes of merriment were read aloud. A rush of love flowed over everyone, and a feeling of gratitude and rapture of having such thoughtful neighbours, family and friends. The melancholy of loneliness was now a memory, and the real magic of Christmas had joyfully begun.
“The world is at her best, when people love and care.”
“Wherever you find love, it feels like Christmas.” THE MUPPET CHRISTMAS CAROL
We have all seen them, usually when we’re scrolling through our Instagram or Facebook newsfeeds- fashion ads.
Normally from a “Suggested profile”. One day, in between crisps requests from my children I came across this:
A very pretty blonde obviously starting her day, having her morning coffee, but she is also quite forgetful. She’s left her sleep mask on along with half her bedding. It may be it’s a Monday morning (trust me, love, we have all been there 😴), and she couldn’t be bothered with her wardrobe, just umm… accessories. I don’t expect she is poor and can’t afford clothes as her furnishings are flash and she’s also sporting a stunning bag and a delightful pair of gold Coco Chanel earrings. As I have demonstrated below.
So, I presume this photo is fashion. Now, I love fashion, am very open-minded and I adore it when designers get creative- but a pillow? However, the picture did catch my eye (so maybe did its job), and soon I was thinking- I can wear that! As some of you know I like cosplaying and go to conventions (yep! Total nerd!🤓), so the thought of a skimpy outfit does not bother me.
However, if I was going to try recreating this shot, I wouldn’t be able to play it straight-the daftness of the pillow- so I looked at the picture and thought to myself ‘What does it need?’.
The answer was obvious; Sunshine! Happiness! Drink!
And where is the happiest, sunniest place on Earth? Cornwall! Okay, it rains a lot but we do tasty bakery stuff and have nice beaches. So I gave myself the assignment to Kernow it up! Straightaway ideas started coming and I came up with a sketch. The main elements would have to stay the same but with little touches.
On white paper, I changed the sign in the background from PRADA to PASTY and kept the same font. I then added my two favourite pasty shops- Warrens and Niles (I can’t take black pepper, burns my throat 🥵)- and put them underneath.
Then for the Coco Chanel one, I used Cornish cheeses. My favourite is Cornish Yarg so I put that as the main and Kern and Cornish Brie underneath. Again I tried to keep the same font.
After doing a lovely job on these and I was very pleased, I realised the photo would be on selfie mode (no one wants to be present in the room with me strutting about with my bare ass, nor would I subject them especially as I am occasionally a bit windy!). In selfie mode, it’s the same as a mirror. Everything is reversed so all the writing would appear backwards. 😫
Luckily for me, the sun was peeking through the window and I realised if I turned them around I just needed to go over what I had already done. Off I went hunting sellotape and I taped it to the conservatory door and got to work.
A big problem is my lounge is not all white, tasteful and grey with a laminated floor. Nope, my carpet is stained from 3 arty children who snack constantly, think ‘please don’t spill it’ is a challenge and basically treat our house and everything in it like they are in an episode of Jackass. I had to think of a way to cover it all up.
Task 1️⃣: Move as much clutter from the photo area along with the wonky side tables and random bits of paper with Roblox codes and half-finished drawings of Peppa Pig.
Task 2️⃣: Remove all my dark throws and cushions.
Task 3️⃣: Hunt through the airing cupboard for any flat sheets white or pastel coloured.
Task 4️⃣: Go through the toolbox to establish a way of keeping found sheets attached to the wall long enough to get the photo.
Task 5️⃣: Get pins.📍📍📍📍
After working my way through, the stage is set. The signs of Pasty and Yarg are up and I now need to get hold of accessories to add my touches.
📝My list-
*Bottles of Cornish Rattler cider, varieties are stocked and I would need a few as we Cornish enjoy our tipple. I needed something to display them in and thanks to the time of year, my daughter had all her Halloween sweet stash in her velvety grey little carry storage. Perfect. I stuffed a round fluffy cushion on top and Voila!
*Scone with jam first, cream on top (if you debate with me on the positioning of the cream then you are not Cornish and have no authority here. And yes, I do get upset if I see it done incorrectly.)
Unfortunately for me, my last batch of scones turned a bit oddball. The mixture was really gloopy and although they rose in the oven, they came out like rock cakes. A bit squishy and a tad cow-patty. 🐄💩
I decided to just cut off the top, add the jam, and dollop a generous helping of Rhoddas Clotted cream. Thankfully that did the trick. I put it on my swankiest white plate.
*Bag. I have a variety of bags but not expensive ones so I adjusted the pic a little and used a bag that promoted my first book. A very cheeky dose of Product placement. 😎
I set up my phone using objects of various heights I can balance on top of one another before I get the right one.
So now my outfit.
It is remarkable how many pillows I had to try before I found a fluffy one. The first ones just bent over. In two. 😳
Obviously having my bazingas out for all to see wouldn’t be the best thing. Maybe in 50 years if I do an anniversary one and they have drooped to my knees I might get away with it. I will have a fine choice of pillows to wear then!
I did find one in the end and was pleased as it did cover everything. I do a quick check out the window as I can’t close the curtains-I need natural light.
Although my front is concealed, it would be ideal if I didn’t moon the dogwalkers for too long! So I vow to try and take the shot as quickly as I can. 34 attempts later I have it!
I am happy with the result and the reactions since it has been on social media has been really good and positive. People took it as it was intended- a fun tongue-in-cheek nod to fashion and show of love for my home County. I hope you like the finished product too. Here it is, next to the original. Enjoy!
Every week, my highlight every Tuesday (8:45pm so we can fast forward through the adverts) is Bake off night.
Kids go to bed early and we begin our ritual. It’s strange but the Great British Bake Off is the only programme where I do this. A glass of something nice-either red wine or Prosecco and a cake or pudding.
Chocolate isn’t right, it needs to be something you can make if you put your mind to it. I have friends who cook along side each theme every week- if I wasn’t such a Russian roulette type of baker I might be tempted to do that myself! Sounds absolutely sublime. On braver weeks I try out a new inventive Idea for a cake but this is always a gamble- if it turns out disgusting then bake off dining is ruined!
It would be interesting to know if anyone gets together with their mates or families to watch it like a bake off party. I personally get myself in the comfiest thing possible and settle in.
So what is it that draws us in to this extent? It can’t all be down to Paul’s hypnotic baby blues or Prue’s gravity defying jewellery, can it? The drama of it all! When the masterpiece topples over or someone uses another contestants buttercream! Oh my word!
Some bakes are simply out of this world 🌎
Past favourites have to be Paul’s lion in bread week, Luis’s sugar work torte, Stephen’s BLT illusion Victoria sponge and Candice’s gingerbread pub. Sometimes you wonder, could I do it? I can cook better than them😏! Then you see those moments and you’re like 😒 No, actually…no I can’t.
The technical round becomes one of three things. Either-
1. Wow! That looks like such a cool thing to make. (Make mental note to look up a recipe on Google.)
Or…
2. Why would you make that? You can get it down the shop for less than a quid!
Or…
3. 😐 what the hell is that!?!
And yet we are hooked. And we will continue to be every week. From wondering what you would do for your signature, choosing your favourites early on and sticking stubbornly with them through every dodgy bake, wondering if your other half fancies the young sexy baker, or playing the menu game (who’s dish is the one you would go for in a cafe- based solely on the pretty picture description, not the splodge it ends up being).
I can’t begin to think about my mourning period when it all ends, and the winning baker finally achieves their dream by winning a cake dish. Thankfully there’s a few weeks left! Now, to put my Prosecco in the fridge- concoction invention dish tonight for German week: mocha bread and butter pudding- I’m such a rebel. Can’t wait.
Today is the beginning of Baby Loss Awareness week, and to mark it I have decided to showcase my two part poem featured in The Collection.
My goal when I wrote the piece was to bring comfort. It was devoted and dedicated to every mother and father, neighbour, friend, relative, basically everyone who has gone through this immeasurable loss- which includes myself. And of course it is for all the babies who’s silent cries are nestled in the clouds. We need to talk to each other and stop keeping our pain so hidden. You are not alone.
If you wish to read more of The Collection it is free to download to Kindle through Amazon till Monday.
Yesterday I was busy. I know, for a Sunday, it seems criminal. I did so many chores and errands before Midday I could have given Cinderella a run for her money.
Yet the afternoon didn’t hold much better. For some reason, the entire nation seemed to be at the same supermarket as me. I haven’t seen the shelves that empty since every housewife in the land went to battle for loo roll and bags of flour last year. To make matters worse, my clumsiness seemed to reach new heights and I dropped everything I touched or it spilled onto me until I looked like a walking masterpiece of Jackson Pollock.
Four o’clock I finally sat down with a cup of tea, and I knew.
I needed to get out. I am a walker, walk for miles- can’t get enough. I didn’t learnt to drive till quite late in life and had no money, so walking was my number 1 mode of transportation.
Nowadays I find, if I don’t get out I have withdrawal symptoms. It could be raining, hailing, snowing, blowing, it truly doesn’t matter. I need to be with grass, sky, wild flowers, and random farm animals dotted around in fields smelling of poo. The place where I live luckily accommodates my needs, manure and all, and for that I am extremely thankful. On goes my music and I move my feet in time to the beat- probably looking like a complete wally in the process but hey, it works for me.
When I return to my home, I am a changed woman. Gone is the tense, overworked stress-head and it her place is a calm, energised, positive smiler. Fresh air, bit of exercise and a gentle reminder of the beautiful world we live in is often the best therapy for us all. And most joyous and gloriously, it’s always there waiting to give us what we need and doesn’t cost a penny.
12 months ago this week, Isolation Tales was released. As well as raising money for the NHS Covid appeal, it also began my journey into the publishing world. What followed really surprised me. Both local and national press supported the book, it was a great feel-good story. Woman writes her first book in 16 days during lockdown trying to raise funds for the NHS, and highlight keyworkers. Newspaper, podcasts, magazine, and radio interviews followed, with local station Radio Cornwall promoting the book every day for over a week. I would have been happy if just one person read and enjoyed it, then the book selfies and 5-star reviews started coming in. Many wrote to me, telling me how much they loved it and would keep their copy as a souvenir of the pandemic, also buying extra copies for friends and family. I felt so humbled and grateful to have this as a first time indie author. I was even lucky enough to reach one of my main goals as a writer. After reading my book, one of my readers began to see the world differently. That floors me even now. One year on, I am still incredibly thankful for my beginning and the support I received from so many. I am so glad I took the leap and got my work out there. I have felt blessed ever since.
Due to the Sarah Everard story in the news, many people’s attention has been brought to how many precautions women take where men don’t.
I am friends with many men, I get along with them and have a laugh. I am a geek who enjoys comics, football, superhero and violent movies, I love beer and I am obsessed with Star Wars. I have similar interests and the sense of humour of a 15-year-old. In short, I have a typical lads personality except mine comes with girl body parts.
I am also a feminist. It astounds me how differently in places other than the UK women’s rights are. Some even seem prehistoric quite frankly. I believe equal pay and opportunities should be available to all irrespective of gender, background or ethnicity. But also, I believe men and women are different.
The truth is, women have struggled a lot more than men. Our bodies are stared at, judged by everyone along with our actions and how we present ourselves. Sometimes even from the same gender.
From a fellow woman, I was asked “why do you dress like that?” She wanted to know why I wasn’t always wearing jeans. My answer was simple: Because I want to. She had an audience but as far as I was concerned she wasn’t worth any more explanation than that.
I have always complimented people as I walked past, both men and women. Mostly about their hair looking nice or a pretty dress (not many men get the dress one 😬). I do that because I know they will get a little lift that morning or afternoon, just like I do when people do it with me.
Most women have several stories where men have overstepped when intoxicated or even sober, varying in degrees of severity. I, myself have had experiences but I refuse to let them define me, the clothes on my back or my impression of men.
Most of my male friends are just as appalled as I am at inappropriate behaviour, especially toward their female friends. But even though I have a healthy attitude toward men, I know I have to be wary. Many times actions or friendliness has been misconstrued as something more. So I know I have to make myself clear.
I am careful with drinks as mine was once spiked, I check the backseat and lock the door when I get in the car. I am careful I am not being followed late at night, or cornered by men on a night out. I think people would be astonished at how many messages regularly appear in my inbox from men suggesting we meet up for sex or straightaway they go the full hog and send me photos of their anatomy. I ignore and block them all of course, but it doesn’t stop them from trying.
It took me a long time to feel comfortable in my own skin and who I am. I follow fashion, I wear short skirts, makeup, low cut tops, I don’t restrict myself. I wear what I chose as it represents me and only I can be the judge of whether I feel it’s appropriate. However, this does encourage guys. I am aware of it, I ignore it, or if they speak directly I just say a quick thank you and move on. There are always guys trying it on, lingering looks, grabbing my ass in a supergirl outfit on the way to a convention just because they can and then smile like they fulfilled a personal request.
Women just put up with it, they are meant to be flattered, complimented, and sometimes it I am being truthful I do feel flattered. I know when I am old, I will look back and think why didn’t I feel better back then, I look like a wrinkled fossil now!
Just recently, the attention evolved. I had two experiences of guys in vehicles taking a photo as they drove past. I caught them doing it, the act was obviously clear, and it did really annoy me. They should have asked. I would have said no, but at least they would be respecting me by asking. I don’t know what they plan to do with the photo, in an ideal world it would be deleted, but I’m guessing that wouldn’t be the case. At least for a little while.
For years, women have had to prove themselves. Their talent, their worth, to be seen on an even level not given allowances. We go through pain every month, we push humans through tiny holes from our bodies, we exhaust ourselves putting everyone else’s needs first because that’s what’s expected of us. We come last.
We do not want allowances. We want equal chances. Opportunities to be ourselves without fear of any repercussion and to live freely. Every human deserves that. If it is within our power to contribute to one another achieving that, why the hell wouldn’t we?
Be respectful. Be kind. Be safe. Withhold judgement. Be you.
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Geek Girl Eats Cake 