Geek Girl Eats Cake

My Granted Wish

Followers of my blog will know during this lockdown, the main thing I have been waiting for is the cinemas to reopen. I wanted that more than bars reopening, restaurants, shops or even hairdressers.

On Friday 17th July, my wish was granted. The cinemas announced reopening and I was the happiest I had been since before lockdown.

The cinemas however could not show any new films, so instead they decided to show classic films everyone knows and loves. Including Back to the future and as if it was a welcome gift just for me Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back.

Now, I am a massive Star Wars fan so I rushed out to see it on the big screen on opening weekend. Out came the Star Wars stash of t-shirts, and I was ready to visit the planet Hoth in surround sound. The cinema must be a massive fan of me cause they gave me free food for coming out. If you want to know how excited I was to go. This photo was taken just after I arrived

A very happy girlie.

When you go to the cinema a lot, you get to know a few people who work there. Whilst there I had a chat with a guy I saw a lot. He said they’ve been quiet, so if you are close or local to a cinema, be sure to help them out. Take this unusual chance to see films you love on the big screen as it may not happen again for years to come. I’m seeing Grease on Wednesday with a couple of friends. We’re making a night of it. I just hope the other punters don’t mind us singing at the top of our voices. Tell me more, tell me more..

Horses

Horses are the biggest contradiction for me. I see a photo and like so many others, I think they look absolutely beautiful.

Alas, I find them quite scary. On a school trip, a classmate thought it was a good idea to whack the horse’s backside with a magazine and it bolted.

Commence being bounced in the most extreme unfun way, not knowing where you will end up running into a random direction. So there I was, screaming and after what seemed like a lifetime the adult helpers caught up with me and managed to stop the horse.

Needless to say ever since I have been a bit wary. Yet, they should be my favourite animal, as they are the darlings of the animal kingdom.

Long glamourous manes, new shoes, they are basically pampered every day. The Mariah Hairys. Their owners worship them and they stand there like royalty expecting to be served by others.

When I stand next to one they seem absolutely massive. One kick would send me flying, their teeth are enormous-one bite and my hand would be severed. You can see how they were used so much in warfare years ago.

They poo wherever they like and no one is allowed to complain. Heap after heap on country roads. Goodness knows where it all goes. It must go somewhere. Perhaps there is an equivalent of a horse hoover the local councils use to suck it up.

There is no other pet quite like them. It even seems weird calling them a pet as they are such a massive responsibility. And seem way above anything else. Literally. Next to a gecko they look like a piece of Lego next to a house.

I can’t pretend to understand the obsessive nature they bring out in their owners, it seems if you are into horses you are into horse branded everything from keyrings to calendars to jumpers.

They are very lovely but quite frankly they make me very nervous. I don’t think I’ll ever relax around them, unless they take up serving tequila of course.

Who wears short shorts?

The sun is shining and so I decide to wear my new jean shorts. Now, on the model they look fantastic. The pic I saw was a bit like this:

Cute. Now, I am not deluded. I know this is more than likely an 18 year old model who only ate 2 segments of an orange for lunch; but I am a big believer in wear what you please. All shapes and sizes can wear anything as long as you wear confidence as your main accessory.

So, enter the 40 year old mum of three with wobbly bits and a few stretchmarks, with ripped jean shorts.

Enter the thigh clap.

Enter the Ass jiggle with feeling like half of it is hanging out.

Looks like with ripped jean shorts, the rip is proper holey. So when you have the pockets lining it comes out the hole in the rip.

So, less Beyonce in the crazy in love music video and more good vibrations beach blimp with flappy pockets.

I decide the world is not quite ready for a wobbly Beyonce just yet. I wore them with pride, but maybe a bit too much percussion walking music for the village school run.

I think I’ll save them for the beach.

Garlic Pizza Recipe

Simple and yet so delicious!

You need:

4 cups of flour

Bit of Salt

Sprinkle of sugar

2 cups of warm water

1 7g sachet of dried yeast

Extra flour for rolling dough

Fresh Garlic

Napolina Chopped Tomatoes

Butter-room temp

Fresh basil/dried herbs of oregano/basil

Put your oven on mega hot 🔥

Put the cups of flour (any flour, we don’t discriminate) in a bowl, add sugar (any sugar, not icing though. That would be stupid 🙄) and salt (any salt, table, ummm…sea…) and mix.

In another bowl add the yeast to the water and frisky whisk. (Whisky friskily, not feeling up whoever is close to you)

Make a well (hole in the middle)in the flour mix and pour in the yeasty water.

Mix well. (Stand mixers are absolute diamonds for this, if you have one use the hooky thing and rest your arms! You could even do a little mixxy dance)

The dough is quite a wet one, sprinkle flour on the worktop and over it and just scrunch it up and move it about a bit till it’s not so sticky. (Definitely brings new meaning to sticky fingers)

(Sid James would have had a field day with the above paragraph)

When the dough is better, grab a rolling pin and roll it out as thin as you can without the dough breaking. Be brave-the thinner the better. Put on baking tray.

Okay, mash up your garlic, if you love garlic put two really fat cloves in, if you just like garlic, use 1 clove.

Get a good glob of butter (technical term) About 75-100g and mix that and the mashed garlic together and add a pinch of salt too if ya like.

Spread the butter on the pizza dough, thickly. Then add one ladle (just one!) Of the chopped toms and spread it about. Add the 🌿 herbs. Fresh basil is best but dried will do at a pinch.

Put it in the oven for 10-12 mins till quite crispy. Then cut it up and eat it. Follow by sitting down in wonder how something so simple could be so tasty.

Repeat following night with remains of dough, and maybe the night after that. Call friends and tell them how good a cook you are. Then impress them with it at you next movie night or get-together. Alternatively save it for celebrations, such as a day without rain or putting your socks on standing up without falling over. 😃

I want my MTV 🎵🎶🎵

For as long as I can remember, I have always had Sky (my parents had it too). And whenever I had a few minutes to spare or had mates round as a teen, I would go straight to the music channels.

Music videos are one of my most favourite things, and definitely a forgotten art. There used to be celebratory programmes like The Chart Show that showcased the most popular ones but nowadays MTV and all her sister channels are one of the few ways to access them.

Sure, you could look on YouTube but you would have to know what to search for. Gone would be the chance to discover one you didn’t know.

This is how I came across Macklemore’s Thriftshop, Blackstreet’s No Diggity and Matchbox 20’s When you’re gone. All grew in popularity after dominating the music channels for months.

I cannot imagine Daft Punk, Michael Jackson, Madonna, Blur, Tenacious D, or Thirty Seconds to Mars without their music videos. It adds to the identity of the act, and adds a new dimension to the music.

I have so many great memories of fantastic vids. Coffee & TV (cutest milk carton ever), Weapon of Choice (damn! ChristopherWalken can bust some moves), One More Time, and Smooth Criminal, to name but a few. I really hope the medium stays around for a long time.

It’s a visual storyteller, and I love getting comfortable and settling down to watch and listen. Or trying to copy a few dance moves, can’t beat a bit of Beyonce can ya ?! ? 💍 Now where did I put my black leotard?

Staged

Many things have come out of lockdown, the importance of hand sanitiser, the NHS and the best of all for me, MEMEs. I posted a couple every day as they made me smile and others said it did for them too. Some people saved lives, I did my bit by making people chuckle. It was lovely knowing someone else was thinking the same thing you was, but most of all in such an intense situation, we needed to laugh.

Enter STAGED. Written by stand up “Where are his eyes?” Simon Evans, and starring Michael Sheen and David Tennant with guest stars such as Judi Dench and the almighty Samuel L Jackson. It was brilliantly funny, short episodes, sweary but awesomely funny.

So, if you are yet to catch it, watch them on BBC iplayer, it will be the best thing you have seen for a long time. Get that Friday feeling and have a really good laugh. You are welcome!

The Clark Kent Effect.

We have all laughed at the idea of Clark Kent being a secret identity. But I think there is actually some premise in the idea.

Okay, hear me out.

We have all experienced seeing someone we know, but out of uniform or the setting we normally see them we find it hard to place where we know them from. Teachers, postmen, shop assistants have all suffered hundreds of encounters of these (I expect. I’ve not like done a study or anything. Maybe I should? Be good use of a Wednesday.)

So that’s a bit of weight to my theory. Next, glasses are weird. Think that person who ALWAYS wears glasses. Now, think when they take them off to clean them. How weird do they look? Like totally strange, you always find yourself staring and moving to get a closer look. Probably giving the wrong impression entirely!

Yet when someone puts on reading glasses or normally wears contacts, you think Ooohhh look at you! Somehow a bit of plastic and glass makes them look smarter, that they went to uni and you are slightly jealous they can look over them in a Stephen Fry kind of a way.

So put those two things together and it is plausible that no one knows Clark Kent is Superman. Just as no one else knows I am really Princess Leia Oregana from the 77th Multiverse.

Oops! There goes my secret! You won’t tell, will you?

Big Joke Joker

The Joker in Batman is one of my all time favourite characters. I love how unpredictable he is, completely sadistic and insane. He must be so much fun to write.

Fairly recently, I read this comic:

It came out pretty recently and it reproduced the first time the Joker had his solo comic. The original run didn’t last long, but what struck me was how different the Joker is now than when he was first conceived. He was basically very much a clown type character. If you are a Batman fan of TV and film, try picturing Caesar Romero next to Jacquin Phoenix and you get an idea of what I am talking about.

At one point in the comic, Joker tells Two Face he made him so mad he is tearing out his hair (which he does) and throwing it at him! He then throws green hair at Two Face who cries “My eyes! My eyes!” It was very funny, and just plain silly.

In the first page, Joker is described as crazier than a circus! Very Chief O’Hara! Made me hear it in his voice straightaway.

Whenever we think of Batman, we always see Batman’s journey but we don’t often realise the journey the villain has been on also. In these early comics you don’t see the closeness of Batman and Joker as we do today. Back then he was just another character, now the Joker is the ultimate foe. And I for one, am absolutely thrilled to watch him torment Batman in the manically insane way we know and love. May the crazy Madness continue for many years to come.

You are a Winner!

If you are on Facebook you would have seen them. Competition! Share, comment, like to win!

In fact, I just ran my first on my author page-it made feel very official indeed let me tell you. I enter a few every now and again if there is food involved. Always food. So, when a brownie competition came my way I could not resist.

Of course, everyone has a stomach so competition is fierce, and you hardly ever win. Notice I say hardly. That’s right, if you ever wonder who wins these things… ME! I won! Hurrah!

I have won twice. Both required an answer or idea and both were cake. I have found cake is an excellent incentive and I really want to win! My latest was from the Brownie Baker. I basically said with my help, brownies could CONQUER THE WORLD! I made them laugh so they made me a bit fatter with a taster box. I have now ordered another one. (They were exceedingly good. YUM!)

My other cake one was from a firm called the Skinny Bakery, where I was sent…cake! But this time not so much on the got fatter side as they are only 38 calories a cake. Easy to ration. Fantastic stuff, and yes, you guessed it. I ordered another taster batch.

The truth is these Facebook competitions are getting a bit moreish, I buy what I win cause I like it so much and want more. On a whim, I entered one for a car the other day. No wonder my husband is looking so worried! Fingers crossed!

Isolation ease? Queue here please!

The whole of the UK has been waiting but hooray, shops can now open. Sometimes shopping online out of boredom for everything from toothpaste to a llama just doesn’t quite cut it.

Myself personally, it was a necessary trip. My daughters feet grow quicker than Garfield eating a lasagne. She grew out of trainers on Friday, needed them for Monday. I also needed to return a present for my son. And visit my local vinyl store and pick up comics.

As you can see I saved up so lots of things could be tackled at once (classic mum strategy). The return started well, apart from the guy (his name was Alan) having a first day and told me no as it was longer than 30 days. Behind him was a big sign that said returns were fine and being honoured within 30 days of the store reopening. I looked at the sign. I looked at Alan. I pointed to the sign and asked him to read it. Alan looked uncomfortable. Poor Alan.

He then calls the manager. The manager is ignoring him. He tries 5 times to get the manager downstairs. He then goes around the corner and finds him immediately. I suspect the manager thinks they are playing hide and seek.

The manager asks “What is it now Alan?” Something tells me this has happened quite a bit today. I can’t help but smirk (we have all been there Alan). He then tells the manager he has a problem and points to me (literally). I am the problem. I explain, the manager looks at Alan and then reads the sign. Oh dear. But alas, all sorted and the manager runs and hides again waiting for Alan to call him down with the next customer.

So far so good, lockdown easing isn’t so bad. But then I do the trainers. So I go to the shop. Only one person queuing which is fine. So I wait on my mark. For forty minutes. Yep. Several times I almost give up (I have no patience) but really quickly the queue grew and I was at the front so I was a bit nervous to move.

We finally get in, I ring my daughter after choosing a couple of overpriced pairs (you do not take a chance, that way if she hates them its her fault not mine!), this took 10 minutes and I go to queue.

The queue is divided into two, there are no way you can choose closer to the end. Of course, I change to the shortest as soon as I get the chance and an hour later I have not moved. The man I was behind is now at the front and no one is behind me. I curse the people in my head behind him who are smiling at me. The NHS discount has confused my till and it has gone rogue. The queue for the other till is now so far back the end could be in Narnia.

I cannot take any more. I dump the trainers and leave. I buy them at a clothing store instead. The rest of the time is fine, but unfortunately I had already lost my mind at the sports shop, and had to overcompensate with a custard doughnut.

I’m afraid I will be doing everything I can to either a) shop at vastly unsociable hours or b) keep ordering llamas. Thank goodness the car park machine was broken!